Apparently time has flown by and March is now July. Spring has passed, though no one in Paris is really sure if it was ever here. Now we are enjoying the warmth of summer and being outside is a must! However, as a writer nearly finished with her script – the reason I moved here – my life has been spent at a table staring at a computer. (Said computer is now the newest Macbook Pro… which makes for a happier écrivain.)
While a lot of things have been changing in my life – for the (creative) good – I have been stressed about the idea that I might never make my film. I am aware that it is a possibility that this script will never see the light of day – in an old Staples printer paper box on a dusty shelf – and I know that I have to have faith. Blind faith. One might pause at those two words. They seem to say, “You will not be seeing where you are going.” Or “It’s without direction or purpose.” Or “You will not see the reality that is staring you right in the face, because you will not be looking with your eyes.”
As I stress out, I remind myself that my initial move to France was made with blind faith. I knew I belonged in Paris and that my dreams were one hundred percent (100%) possible for me here. Why Paris? Let’s just say I felt it in my gut. I was being pulled across the Atlantic and I acted without a plan. Give my last months notice. Check. Sell belongings (i.e. car.) Check. Give things to Goodwill. Check. Give things to friends. Double Check. Put things in storage (and later ship to Mother.) Check. Pack suitcases, buy plane ticket, and fly to Paris on June 3rd, 2011? Check. Check. Check.
As of today – July 11, 2013 – blind faith has only been on “my side.” A guardian angel (of energy) that has guided me through the ups and downs: living in a foreign country; braving the bureaucracy that is the French government; the visa headaches; the no one talks to each other at the Préfècture or goes by the same rules twice; not speaking French when I moved; being a dyslexic trying to learn the language; believing that I’ll get EU citizenship once Latvia allows duality (which goes into law on October 1st.) And the big dream of being an American-Latvian filmmaker residing in Paris, France.
I still frequently question my creative talent, though. I need to have a strong belief in myself and cultivate patience. The road ahead of me is filled with countless roadblocks… but I will hurdle them. Like a track runner in a marathon filled with 100mm hurdles, as well as the random military bootcamp training obstacle. There is a finish line, but I don’t know where it is, how to get there, or how long it will take to reach it. The race has no map. The destination is unmarked. Bravery is the only fuel. I may not reach the exact goal I have set out before me, but I will get very close. Perhaps I’ll even hit the bullseye, but to the right of center.
“While you long and aim for the destination, thrive on the journey; the battle; the adventure.”