June 4, 2011 – Los Angeles to Zurich – Part 2

Written: June 4, 2011

The last month in Los Angeles has been truly great. So great that it gave me a false sense of comfort. It was probably one of the best times that I have spent in LA during my nearly 10-year run. (In late-August, it would have been 10 years!) What made it so wonderful was my complete emotional abandon. I ceased to care about (mainly) how I was perceived by those around me.

I spent an entire month on Nikki’s couch. Bless her for being such a supportive friend. I will never forget waking up every morning to her cat, Ava, as she crawled on top of me and purred. This morning’s ritual was married with the garbage trucks outside every morning. It reminded me of the ocean where Tamarind Avenue was the Pacific and the trucks were Great White Sharks taking out seals.

Now I am 1 hour and 16 minutes away from touching down in Zurich. I am only a few hours away from arriving in Paris. People say I am brave to do this… Right now, I am silently wondering if and when the fear is going to kick in. Each time I start to hear or imagine the question, “Did I do the right thing?” I stop myself short of truly finishing that question, because I know that Los Angeles had ceased to have meaning for me. My drive had almost all but disappeared… until I decided to move and then I was inspired.

The future is truly the unknown for me right now. I know I will succeed wildly in some areas of my life and “fail” (or fall short) in others. I do worry about what is ahead of me. Will film truly continue to be a part of my life or will it quietly wither away and fall at the wayside… because I left L.A. I have wondered if I am too artsy a writer and filmmaker to ever get my work made. I wonder if my creative inclinations have put me in the realm of talented yet unmarketable. I guess I’ll just have to see.